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Archive-name: Changes/bates25.txt


Archive-title: Joe Bates' Story- 25

                  The 25th Chapter of the Joe Bates Story

     Linda's car was in the drive when Joe and Jay pulled in. Joe had consumed

two trinks with Jay, and he was certainly feeling the effects. Jay worried

that Linda would be irritated with him, as if it was his fault that Joe had

acquired the buzz which lowered his inhibitions and made him talk about

anything which came to his head.  Apparently, a great many things were passing

through Joe's head this evening...He seemed to constantly talk about something

or another during the drive to Linda's.

     They went inside where Linda was sitting on the lounge watching the news

on TV.

     Hello Joe. And you too Jay." She said. "What have you two been up too?"

     "We went flying." Joe said. "I just had to get away for a while." 

     "And I better be going." Jay said, edging toward the door.

     "Aw, come on Jay, stick around a while." Joe asked. He didn't want his

friend to leave. He liked being around Jay.

     "No, I better be going." Jay repeated. His new feelings for his pal were

difficult enough to deal with, without being around Linda too.

     Joe could sense Jay was uncomfortable. He decided to let his friend go.

If Jay did have new feelings for him, he didn't want Linda to find out. Not

yet, anyway. Things were already confusing enough.

     Jay left, leaving Joe alone with Linda. She came over to where he was

seated, and started massaging his neck. It felt good, but Joe was becoming

uncomfortable being around her...touching her. He wasn't sure why, but it was

a strange thing to deal with.  He just didn't know how to handle it.

     Joe leaned back, and looked up at Linda. She smiled lovingly as she

looked into his eyes.

     "Linda, am I...are lesbians?" Joe asked.

     She looked at him. "Do you feel like one?" She asked, smiling.

     "I don't know." Joe said. Although he was still feeling the effects of

the drinks, he had still had trouble talking about his new feelings.

     "I realize that I can't be a man...I just don't look like a man anymore,

and I guess I don't feel like one either, at least the not way I should...when

I'm with you.  I think I'm still changing...still turning more female...and I

really don't know when it will stop, or what I can do about it." Joe said.

     "So...You don't like to be around me?" Linda asked.

     "No, no, it isn't that." Joe answered, taking her hand. "I like to be

around you...hell, I NEED to be around you. Who else could help me deal with

all this?"

     "I don't know what we are, Joe Bates." Linda said. "If you think

your...we're both...lesbians, then I guess that's what we are. Does it matter

to you?"

     "Linda, I'm a least I was a guy. To me, you're a good looking

woman. You still are." Joe tried to explain. "But look at me.  I don't look

anything like I used to. Maybe I'm a woman...maybe I just look like one...but

whatever I am, I just don't understand what you see in me anymore."

     "Joe, to me you're the guy I love." Linda said. "I don't what's going to

happen to us, but I know I'll stay with you as long as you want me too.  Sure,

I wish you still had your male body...God, I hope you can get it back...but if

you can't, I think I can handle it, if you want too.  But, I guess I'll

understand if you don't."

     "Look at us." Joe said. "We look like two women...I mean, I guess we ARE

two women."

     "But if they change you back, it can be like it was, can't it?" Linda


     "If that happens, I still want to get married...that is if you still say

yes." Joe smiled.

     "I'm ready as soon as you can arrainge it." Linda assured him, tossling

the hair of his hairpiece.

     Joe reached up and quickly but carefully pulled the wig off, and tossed

it on the low table in front of them.

     "This darn thing is hot and irritating." Joe said.  "I guess I look

better with it, but I sure wish I didn't need it."

     Linda started to run her fingers through Joe's natural hair. It was

slightly damp with persperation, and it smelled faintly of the perfume he put

on earlier. Joe leaned back and enjoyed her gentle touch.  With his body

feminized as it was, everything that touched it felt different now, usually

more sensuous.  He still hadn't adjusted to the heightened sense of touch.

     "Why don't you have your hair done?" Linda asked. "You don't need to wear

that wig."

     "What do you mean?" Joe asked. "My hair isn't long enough yet, is it?"

     "Well, it could be a little longer." Linda agreed, pulling his hair down

in front, like bangs. "But I think there might be some kind of style that

would work with the length you've got."

     "Do you really think so?" Joe asked again. He couldn't wait to do without

the wig.

     "Do you want me to call Sally?" Linda asked. Sally was Linda's


     "Will you have to tell her about me?" Joe asked.

     "Not if you don't want her to know." Linda said. "I doubt if she would

believe it anyway. I can tell her you are your sister, from St. Louis or

somewhere, if that's what you want."

     "Yeah, I do." Joe considered. "I don't want everybody knowing about this

yet. Not until I'm sure we can't be changed back."

     Linda sat down next to Joe, and picked up the cordless phone beside the

lounge and punched in a number.

     "Sally, this is Linda Mitchell. Hi. Yeah, I'm fine. No, I have someone

here who I'd like you to see. He...She needs her hair done...its very

short...a friend cut it for her and she hates it. Yes. I think that would be

ok. Just a minute." Linda looked at Joe.

     "Can you go tomorrow?" She asked Joe. 

     "I don't have to come in to work till noon, at the earliest." Joe said.

     "Really?" Linda responded. She went back to the phone.

     "Sally, she's free tomorrow morning." Linda said. "Yes. Great. I'll tell

her. Her name is Joel. Joel Bates. Yeah, she's Joe's sister...from St. Louis.

Yes. I think they are twins...paternal twins."

     Joe cringed as he listened to the story Linda was concocting. He hoped

her lie didn't come back to haunt him. Twin sister huh? Well, He did look a

lot like his own twin sister, if he had one.

     Linda finished the call and hung up. Joe got up from the couch. He

started to go to his room.

     "Oh, that reminds me." Linda said. "I was in Bullocks over lunch, and I

found this fantastic dress.  I just knew it would be right for you. I know

you'll like it. I put it on your bed."

     Great, Joe thought. Now my girl friend is buying me dresses she just

knows would be RIGHT for me.

     Joe went to his room, Linda following close behind. On the bed lay the

dress. It was a twill cotton shirtdress with a notch collar surplice top.  It

had a pleated knee length straight skirt, and it was an olive color.  It came

with a wide, fabric covered, matching color belt, with a gold buckle. Linda

was right, as usual.  He liked it immediately.

     "You've got to try it on." Linda insisted. If it don't fit, or you if

don't like it, I'll return it tomorrow. I think it's a little big for me, but

it's probably just your size."

     Joe picked it up by the hanger and looking it over.

     "Come on Joe, try it on." Linda said again. "I just know it'll look great

on you."

     As Linda watched, Joe pulled the T-shirt over his head. The thin fabric

of his bra's seamless cups did nothing to hide the little points of his erect

nipples. He absent mindedly rubbed his hand across his breasts, and then

looked down at them. He saw Linda watching, and it made him blush.

     She smiled when she saw he was embarrassed.

     "How is it Joe, are you getting used to all this?" She asked


     He looked at her and smiled. "I guess I'll live." He said.

     "I see you changed clothes when you came from work." Linda said. She

looked at the bra and panties laying on the bed. It was obvious that they had

been previously worn.  "Underwear too?"

     "Yeah." Joe said. How could he explain this?

     "I just wanted to." He said. "I don't know why."

     "Sure." Linda said. "Wear what ever makes you feel good."

     Joe unbuttoned the gray shorts and slipped out of them. When Linda saw he

wore the black thong bikini, her grin got wider.

     "God Joe, you are so attractive." She said. "I don't blame you for

wanting to wear things like that."

     "What do you mean?" Joe asked. "You wear stuff like this too." The

panties tickled where they touched him, and he idly scratched his pubic area

as he spoke.

     "You've never seen me in thong back undies." Linda denied. "I think they

make my hips look too big. They look absolutely great on you though."

     "I didn't ask to be this way." Joe said. "But I'm gonna try to make the

best of what I have left."

     "Well, I really wish you were still male." Linda said. "But you do make a

great looking woman."

     Yeah, Joe thought. Thats what everybody thinks. His best friend, and

now...his fiance. Could it happen that Linda and Jay might change places in

his life?

     "I'm trying my best." Joe said. "But I gotta say, it's a little wierd

when your girl friend...your fiance...buys dresses for you."

     "I'm sorry." Linda said. "I just thought you would like it. I know you

need clothes for work if they don't get you changed back soon."

     "Don't be sorry." Joe corrected. "I really like the dress. You have

excellent taste. That's only one of the reasons I love you. But I still have

to get accustomed to wearing this stuff." He removed the dress from the

hanger, and pulled it over his head.

     Without the extra hair of the wig, his head went throught the neck

opening very easily. Joe smoothed the pleats around his hips, and arrainged

the collar around his neck. The dress was the fullest he had ever worn till

now, and it felt a bit strange. He went to the dresser mirror, and liked what

he saw.

     The new dress was perfect. It fit like it was made just for his new

shape. He even liked the neckline. The color was exactly right for too. He

criticaly examined his short hair. Yeah, it did seem a little longer now.

Maybe he really could get by without the wig. He would go to Sally's tomorrow.

Joe discovered what most natural women know. A new dress worked wonders, and

helped to make him feel good about his appearance.

     Linda watched as Joe looked at his image in the mirror. It was obvious to

her that he was becoming more familure with the changes that had take place.

When he first came to her with his problem, he was embarrassed, awkward, and

almost afraid to touch the parts of his body that had changed the most. Now,

he acted much more natural. He adjusted the collar, and tugged at the bodice

to make it fit his shape. It was only when he saw her looking that he showed

any sign of embarrassment.

     "It is getting easier, isn't it." Linda said.

     Joe looked at her. He didn't know how to answer. It was true, it was

getting easier. He had to admit that he did like being able to wear clothes

like those he had on. As he continued to get used to the way his body had

changed, he found that it wasn't so bad either. Of course, having these new

hormones working you over helped a lot in that area.

     "Yeah. it is...sometimes." Joe admitted. "But I don't know if I really

want it to be so easy. I don't know if I want to give up my manhood...I mean I

guess it's already gone...but if I can get it back...I think I should want it

back, shouldn't I?"

     "Only you can answer that." Linda said. "Nobody else...not me...not the

doctors...nobody but you can decide that."

     "I don't know if I can make an intellegent decision about this." Joe

said. "I change my mind as often as my clothes."

     "Some say that's a womans right." Linda said laughing.

     "So now I have womens rights too?" Joe teased.

     "I'd say you've earned them, wouldn't you?" Linda answered.

     Joe just looked at her and smiled.

     "Do you want me like this, or the way I was." He asked bluntly.

     Linda looked at her fingernails. Then she looked back at him.

     "Joe, don't worry about what I like, or what I want." She said, the smile

leaving her face as she spoke. "You do what's right for you. I'll want you

however you are."

     Joe turned and looked in the mirror. By now, he had grown accustomed to

how he looked with the wig. His short hair looked strange, and sort of exotic.

He touched his cheek, feeling the softness. His hand then went to his breast.

He cupped it, as if estimating its weight, then squeezed it slightly. The hand

then continued lower, and he carefully felt his pubic area through the dress.

     "I really do look like a girl, don't I?" He said, turning to look at

Linda.  "I just checked, and I guess I feel like one now too.  I don't have

any choice in the matter, but that's what I am. If tomorrow, next month, or

next year they tell me I can go back, then I'll have a difficult decision to

make. Till then I guess this person in the mirror is what I am."

     "And I'll help you." Linda said. "However you want to handle it, I'll

help you."

     "Should I wear this tomorrow?" Joe asked. "Can I wear it to get a hair


     "You can if you want to." Linda said. "It'll probably take less than an


     Joe thought about Sally's...all the women just sitting

around...talking...gossiping...about god knows what. If they even suspected

that he was really a guy...a rooster in the hen-house...he could imagine the

disturbance it would create.  Of course, there is no way he would be

detected...he may not always know precisely how to act like a woman, but

nobody could ever get him confused with a man. Not unless he told them. And

even then it's doubtful they'd believe him.

     Joe unbuckled and unbuttoned the dress, pulled it over his head and

placed it back on the hanger. He had never thought of himself as a clothes

horse, but now he found himself hoping tomorrow would get here, just so he

could wear the dress. So many things are so different, he thought to himself.

     He reluctantly hung the dress in the closet, and then gathered his

underwear from the bed.  He took it into the bathroom, and piled it on the

sink. He would hand wash it before he went to bed as Linda had taught him.

Linda was watching him carefully, and when he came back into the bedroom, she


     "I think your going to be all right, Joe Bates." She said approvingly.

     "Yeah." Joe agreed. "I'm really great at washing panties, ain't I." He

said, with a little sarcasm showing.

     "What's that about?" Linda asked. "Do you have a problem all of a


     "No. Not all of a sudden." Joe said. "I just thought about what I could

be doing besides washing out underwear, that's all."

     "Hey. We all have our little details." Linda said. "Your not above them,

and there's no reason to feel sorry for yourself. You say you've had genetic

damage. Well, then it could probably be a lot worse, you know. You could be

dependent on me, or sombody else to feed you, or dress could be a

veg, or something.  I think you are all damn lucky all you lost was your

precious manhood."

     Joe was suprized at Linda's reaction to his slight bitching. But she was

right. It could be a lot worse.

     Joe put his shorts and T-shirt back on. Linda went to the kitchen, and

when he finished dressing, he joined her.

     "Are you hungry?" Linda asked.

     "Oh, I guess I could eat something." Joe answered. 

     "I was just going to have some watermelon." Linda said. "But we could

grill some chicken breasts if you want more than that."

     "No." Joe answered. "If I'm gonna be a girl, I guess I should get used to

eating like a bird." He grinned.

     They sat at the little counter, sharing little chunks of watermelon that

Linda had cut up earlier and placed in the refrigerator to cool. They made

small talk, with Joe asking Linda how her day went, and then explaining what

was happening at Honeybone.

     "So when will they experiment on humans?" Linda asked.

     "I don't know." Joe answered. "I guess it depends on what happens with

whatever else they try."

     "Who will be the first of you four to try it?" She continued. "Would you

want to be the first?"

     Right now I don't know if I would ever want to try it, he thought to


     "I don't know who would be the first." He answered. "Dave has already

volunteered. He can't wait to be changed back."

     "I'll just have to get over to talk to Cindy." Linda said. "Dave must be

driving her crazy."

     "He certainly isn't all that pleased with the situation." Joe said. "I

guess I felt like he does right after it happened, but now it's different, I

guess I'm just starting to get used to it or something."

     "If I was changed into a guy, I don't think I could ever get used to it."

Linda mused. "I might like it, but I think I'd miss being inside my own body."

     "But that's not how it feels at all." Joe said. "It still feels like I'm

in my regular body.  Sure, there are differences, having boobs...not having a

penis...and those cause some some things to feel different, and it's harder to

do some things, but usually I really don't feel that much different than

before. At least not physically"

     "What do you mean, not physically?" Linda asked. "I would think that

would be the biggest difference."

     "At first, it seemed like it was." But you begin get used to that...sort

of." Joe explained.  "But later...I think it just really started a couple days

ago...something else happens...I don't know...I guess I started thinking

differently...seeing the world differently."

     "Seeing the world differently?" Linda repeated. "How do you see the world

now, compared to before?"

     "Well, now that I've been going around, looking like this..." Joe put

both hands on his chest under his breasts, pushing them up. "I guess I've been

given a new perspective to see life.  Things that I've always taken for

granted...they're either changed...some a little...some a lot...or else

they're probably gone completely to me.  Maybe I'll get used to

it...practically everything about this seems to get easier with each passing

day...but I have had to learn how to cope with so many different

desires...I don't even know what I'm talking about some times."

     "What are the new desires?" Linda asked immediately. "Do you like men, or

are you talking about something else?"

     "I have to admit," Joe continued. "Being with a guy has crossed my mind,

more than once."

     "What about me...about us?" Linda questioned.

     Joe looked at her.  

     "I don't know." He said. "But I do know I don't feel like I did a week

ago.  I just don't see how I could.  Hell, I'm only human."

     "What's going to happen Joe?" Linda asked.

     "I wish I knew." He replied. "Whatever is happening to my has me going up and down. Sometimes I don't think I've ever been

happier in my life, and just a matter of seconds...I'm crying out of

control. I don't know what causes it...maybe it's normal for a woman.  I don't

know how a woman is supposed to feel.  I only know how I feel."

     "Do you want to stay like that?" Linda asked. "Do you want to stay a


     "I can't answer that." Joe said. "If I answer the way I feel, I'd have to

change what I say every few minutes.  There are a lot of interesting things

about being like this...I've started to love the clothes...can you believe  But then...I think about my plans..."

     "What plans?" Linda asked.

     "You know...Us." Joe explained. "One week ago, I thought I'd be getting

married, we'd have a few kids...maybe...eventually...but now..."

     "Does it have to be so different?" Linda wondered.

     "Different?" Joe said. "Come on Linda. Sure, maybe we could still live

together...maybe we can sleep together...but that won't make it like it was.

Maybe I can still make you come, but I damn sure can't make you pregnant."

     "We could adopt." Linda said simply. 

     "Do you really think they'd let two WOMEN adopt?" Joe said sarcasticly.

     "We could try, couldn't we?" Linda asked. 

     "Linda, I've already turned in the paperwork...I'm legally female now.

Joe reminded her. "And even if they somehow let us marry anyway, you probably

wouldn't be happy with me.  You're a normal, healthy woman.  You'd want to be

with a man...eventually.  Hell, I might want to too."

     "So what should we do?" Linda wondered aloud.

     "I don't know." Joe said. "But we don't have to rush least

not for a while. Give them a chance to examine what has happened, and maybe

they can get us back."

     They finished eating, and Joe cleaned up the dishes. Then he went to his

room. It was after ten, and the things that had happened that day had left him

tired. Linda came to his room.

     "Are you going to bed?" She asked.

     "Yeah." Joe said. "I'll shower, and then I think I'll turn in."

     Linda went to her room, and Joe went to his bathroom, closing the door.

He undressed, and started the shower running. As he was soaping down, he felt

his legs. Noticing stubble, he got the shave cream and razor, and shaved his

legs, underarms, and then carefully trimmed his pubic area.

     If I ever do change back, I think I'd still want to keep my legs and

armpits shaved, he thought to himself as he used the razor. I wonder why men

don't do this. Probably because they're pretty hairy all over, he remembered.

Last week, before this happened to him, his chest, and even his arms, had been

covered with much courser hair. That had all fallen out...he found it on his

bedsheets...and now, except for his head, crotch, legs and underarms, the hair

that remained was much shorter, finer, almost downlike.  He liked the feel of

his smooth, practicaly hairless body now that it was feminized.

     After finishing up, Joe stepped out of the shower and dried with a large

bath towel. As he rubbed the towel over his breasts, and then the still

somewhat unfamilure, delicate area between his legs, he thought about how much

had changed in only a week. He was starting to get accustomed to seeing his

trim, sexy form in the mirror as he carefully washed his face. He brushed his

short hair, trying to imagine ways to make it look as feminine as possible. He

wondered what Sally could do with it.

     Joe finished by brushing his teeth, and then, almost as an afterthought,

powdered his body with the scented bath powder.

     When he finished, he ran water into the sink, and added some soap. He

hand washed the nylons he had worn that day, and then started on his

underwear. When he was about to drop the black thong into the soapy water, Joe

noticed the faint white mark of vaginal discharge on the black cotton crotch

lining.  He smiled as he thought of how it got there. Being around his friend

Jay often made him feel funny...and when that happened he soon felt his

underpants become wet. The new excitement had left its mark. Would it be

followed one of these days by the blood of menstrual flow as the nurse at the

clinic had advised them?  He carefully washed all trace of stain from the

little panties.

     After Joe draped the hose and underwear over the handle of the shower

door, he went out into the bedroom. He hadn't put any clothes on, and he was

wondering if he should wear something when Linda came into his room again.

She had showered too, and now wore a pink silk, or satin night shirt.

     She looked at him, standing naked.

     "Would you like something to wear to bed?" Linda asked, seeing Joe's

somewhat embarrased look.

     "I don't know." He said. "So you think I should?" Before he had been

changed, Joe always slept in the nude.

     "It's really up to you." Linda said. "When I'm by myself, I usually like

to wear something." She confided.

     "I'll see what I have." Joe said. "I don't think I have much but a

T-shirt though."

     "Would you like to borrow something from me?" Linda asked, smiling. She

wanted to help, but she didn't want to offend him.

     "What do you suggest?" Joe asked. He found it embarrasing for him to

borrow clothes from Linda, especially since they now sometimes fit him better

than they did her.

     "I'm sure I have another shirt like this." She said. "Or I think I have

some pajamas."

     "I'll try the shirt." Joe said. The air conditioner had come on, and it

was making him feel cold. The chilled air made his nipples change from soft

full cones to points that looked stiff as rocks. He cupped his breasts in his

hands, not liking the sensation when they bounced as he followed Linda to her


     Linda looked through her lingerie drawer and came up with a light blue,

satin nite shirt. It had a stretchy, fitted bodice, with no decoration but a small

bow at the neckline. It had short sleeves, and below the breasts, was made to

fit very loosely.  She handed it to Joe.

     "Try this." She said.

     Joe took the satiny garment and pulled it over his head. It smelled

lightly of Linda's perfume. When it was on, he looked down at himself. The

little satin shirt came to just below his crotch. It covered everything that

needed to be covered, and it felt amazingly warm. His breasts were outlined by

the soft, fluid fabric. He could feel the fabric rubbing against his hardening

nipples as his breasts swayed gently back and forth with his every move. Why

does everything women wear have to look and to feel so damn erotic, he


     "I think I like it." Joe said, grinning sheepishly.

     "It looks nice on you." Linda said. "But then, everything looks nice on

you." She mockingly put her hands up in disgust.

     Joe went back into his own bedroom, and Linda followed.

     "Do you mind if I sleep in here?" Linda asked.

     "No, it's all right with me." Joe said. "I was thinking of reading for a

while though."

     "That's OK with me." Linda said.

     Joe pulled back the spread and sheet, then turned off the room light at

the switch, leaving on only the lamp at the night stand. Linda crawled into

bed, and Joe followed, and as he did, he noticed that she wore white cotton

panties under the night shirt. She had never worn underpants to bed since they

had been sleeping together regularly, and he wondered why she did so now.

     "Whats with the underwear?" He questioned.

     "I think I'm going to start my period soon." Linda said. "I decided to

wear a pad, just in case."

     "How do you know that?" Joe asked. He was very curious, since it was

likely that the same thing was going to happen to him eventually.

     "Well, it's coming up on the time." She continued. "And I'm starting to

get cramps, just a little."

     "What do cramps feel like?" Joe asked. "Where do you feel them?"

     "I don't know." Linda said. "They hurt...well not hurt exactly...not

yet...more like just a dull ache in my lower abdomen. My breasts feel full

too...I'm guess I'm starting to retain'll know what it feels like

when it happens."

     "I just don't want to get blood all over everything." Joe said. "I have

this fear that I'm gonna wake up one of these mornings, oozing blood." He


     "I don't know what's going to happen with you." Linda considered. "You

may not be like the average girl...but if you are, you'll probably just spot

lightly at first. You'll likely have plenty of warning your first time.  Don't

spend any time worrying about it, Joe...It probably won't be that bad."

     "I hope you're right." Joe said warily.  

     He pulled the sheet up to just below his satin covered breasts and

retrieved the book that Karen had suggested he read.  Linda was content to lie

awake, watching him read.

     Sitting half erect in bed, with two pillows propping him up comfortably,

Joe resumed reading where he had left off days ago. He quickly became emersed

in the explaination of genetics, chromosomes, and sexual differientation and

characteristics, which was the subject of the text. As he read on, and learned

about the very things which he was told had been affected in his own body, he

would sometimes touch himself...feeling a breast...nipple...or hip bone. He

forgot that Linda was lying at his side, watching him in silent amusement.

     After she lay silent for maybe a half hour, she just had to speak.

     "What's that book about?" She asked after she watched Joe feel his

protruding hip bone as he read.

     "Well, its a medical text actually." Joe told her. "Its a little hard to

follow, but it explains the difference between the sexes, from a genetic, or

chromosome level. It covers some of the abnormalities which are known to

exist, and gets into why they happen."

     "Is there anything about what happened to you?" Linda asked.

     "No, not so far anyway." Joe said. "Everything so far has been about

genetic abnormalities which exist from birth. I think maybe we're the first

this has happened to."

     "It must really be interesting, the way it holds your attention." Linda

said, rubbing Joe's arm.

     "It is interesting." Joe said. "I've always been fascenated with

genetics. I just never thought I'd have such a strong reason to get more


     "Joe..." Linda said, trying to get his full attention. "Joe, if you ever

want to be with somebody else...a guy or whatever...if you want to know what

it's like...don't worry, I'd understand."

     Joe looked at her. He felt warmth come to his face as he blushed.  He

reached down and took her hand in his own.

     After a long moment of silence, he began to speak.

     "I appreciate that." He said, smiling. He wondered if he should tell her

about Jay. Then decided it best not to.

     "The truth is," Joe continued slowly, trying to find the words he wanted

to use. "I really don't know what I want anymore. Here I am, my body seems to

be all screwed penis feels like it pulled up inside me, its still all

there, even if it looks the size of a pencil eraser.  And my chest...well you

can see whats happened to it...but overall I don't feel like I'm missing

anything, I'm all still here, just re-arrainged a little bit." He grinned at

his description of what happened to his body.

     "If it so happens that I look female...and I must agree that I do, then

maybe that's what I am. I don't know...I don't really feel like I'm female...I

don't even know what a female is supposed to feel like." He went on. "All I

feel like is me. And I know that for the last few days, my

desires...  they've been wondering all over the place."

     "Do I want to be with a man?  Hell, the idea of it scares me to

death...and yet, look at me. If I'm going to have to be this way the rest of

my life, maybe I should consider it. I know that seem different to

me now...I can't explain it...maybe because they act different around me

too...I don't know."

     "When I think of what my life might be like if I have to stay this

way...Sometimes it all seems like a dream...sometimes a good dream...sometimes

a more like a nightmare." Joe went on. "If I'm going to start living as a

woman, then I'm pretty sure I don't want to live as a lesbian. I don't think

that's what I am now...even with you...I still feel like a guy...a strange

looking one maybe...I agree, but I just can't think of us as two women...not

yet anyway...but that's probably changing...I can't look at myself in the

mirror much longer without seeing the female I guess I've become...looking


     "You can see it too." Joe said to Linda. "A few days ago...last week, I

wouldn't have worn this... (He pulled at the stretchy fabric of the sleepshirt

bodice.) I would have been too embarassed. But now, I think even my changing...accepting...this new perception of who I am...I suspect

even that might still be changing. Do you have any idea what it's like to have

that happen?"

     "I couldn't imagine." Linda said.

     "Well, of everything that has happened so far, it's been the most

difficult part. " Joe answered his own question. "My body...I guess I can get

used to that...some of what's happened is even kinda fun...I admit, I'm a

little concerned about getting periods...getting pregnant...stuff like that.

But I guess I've resigned myself, and some of it all is kinda interesting. You

probably don't even know how fantastic it feels to have your sense of touch

heightened like's all you've ever known."

     "Yeah. It don't seem so special to me." Linda agreed.

     Joe put the book on the night stand. He switched off the lamp, and

reached for Linda in the dark. When she felt his advances, she reached out for

him, and they hugged each other tightly.

     In only a few minutes, they fell asleep in each others arms.




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