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Archive-name: FirstGay/ftg517.txt


Archive-title: My first fuck

Well, my first fuck was not the great innocent fantasy but my attempt

to experience gay sex with what my 17 year old closeted self could

identify as 'gay' which was, at that time, effiminacy.  At the same,

time, I found this very unattractive - even though i was attracted

to MEN  (of the masculine persuasion).   I was with my family on

the power boat that we moored in Provincetown.  I found some excuse

to walk into town and up and down the main drag -- Commercial Street.

All around the P-town Town Hall are wooden benches and late in the

evening the cruising gets pretty heavy. (At 2 am it is bewildering)

It was around 10 I guess and this guy who REEKED of Aramis (THE gay

cologne in those days) stared at me as I sauntered by.  I was self-

conscious as heck but after a swing by or 2, managed to get the courage

to sit next to him.  (!)  (Oh wow!)   Trite conversation ensued and

we finally got to the point.  Followed him away from town on foot.

Ended up next to a public school, under a tree on the grass.

It was probably a dry fuck even.  Hurt like heck.  He got off. I

didn't of course.  (This was "tricking" to the max.. he completely

self-absorbed).  Now it is unlikely that in this outdoor public

location (under a full moon, yet) that I would have been relaxed

enough to get it.  ANd - considering that the only gays I could

recognize were effeminate ones and I found them UN-attractive,

how could this have possibly worked?  But I was determined to find

out about this 'gay stuff'.   Luckily, I was persistent.  Only took

another 20 years to figure out what it and I was all about. Anyway

- that was 'the first fuck'.  Luckily not the last.


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