Archive-name: Dreams/sue-gone.txt

Archive-author: 

Archive-title: Sue is Gone





I am not an actor but I've been on stage since she left. I don't know if you 

understand what I'm saying. See. It's this feeling stuck to everything I try 

like a thick, second skin, that I can somehow not only wear but also see. It's 

like reading the script of some kind of weird play that goes, on and on, with 

no apparent end, and everyone involved knows, by some misterious process, what 

to say and do.



If I go to the Club on a Friday evening, the whole crew will be there before I 

make my entrance: lights, costumes, sound, cast,...They look so natural and yet 

I know it's been rehearsed a thousand times before. My lines will stretch out 

slowly but firmly in a precise sequence:

"Hi, guys. What's going on?"

"Fine, fine, and yourself?"

"Oh! Thanks"

"Well, I'll get myself a beer. Stout, please"

"Oh! Nice to meet you. My name is Allan."

"Sorry. Would you repeat it?"

"Yeah. It's been wonderful lately. Too bad it changes for the worst on week-

ends"



How many times have I said the same predictable phrases? How many different 

intonations and inflexions have I used? How many Fridays have I ground under 

the stone of routine and emptiness? Fuck! I miss her!



You see. It's not only her presence. It's something more subtle running in my 

veins. It's like a promise. Something you can not touch, nor see, but you 

know it's there. It's the drive to fully know her and to see the world through 

her eyes. The possibility to dive in her and see myself immersed in the 

whirlwind of her passion. The need to possess, not only her body but also her 

spirit. Do you know what I mean? She was real. She was an ever changing 

picture, diffuse, impossible to capture, but she was tangible. I don't know. 

Maybe I'm becoming paranoid...She haunted me.



How did I know her? I think I've told you before. Well, anyway...Do you 

remember last year when I was talking about doing some wind surfing on the 

Caribbean? I finally did. Two weeks in Cancun. Well, this particular resort I 

went to is not that expensive, considering what you get. You're right. And on 

top of that, the beach over there is just wonderful for sailing. Yeah!. Well, 

at the beginning I wasn't that sure. After all, going on your own in those 

places is always so unpredictable. But Mark's visit influenced me. The thing 

is that I met her there.



The first night in Cancun there was a welcome party. Some sort of buffet and 

music and mingling with the hosts and the rest of the guests. I was introduced

 to her by the wind surfing instructor. Did you ever meet Charlie? Yeah. Well, 

Mark told me about him being there, that was another reason for my visit. The 

thing is that she was interested in learning how to wind surf and Charlie 

mentioned my name and one thing followed the other. We chat a little and I 

made some jokes and she laughed. We found out that we lived in the same city, 

which was a surprisingly nice coincidence. I liked her immediately. Why he 

didn't go after her? Well, I think Charlie had some other person in mind that 

night.



After the party I went to the disco. I've had a couple of drinks, so, it 

wasn't that bad. Just enough gas to help me release the accumulated stress of 

the last months. She was sitting with  some people I vaguely remembered seeing 

somewhere. Maybe at the party or at the airport...Why her? It's hard to tell. 

Blame it on my hormones or some trauma from childhood. I don't know. She 

wasn't utterly gorgeous. Pretty, yes, but nothing out of this world. Maybe it 

was something far beyond the physical...Well, you know me. I wouldn't had gone 

for her if she wasn't attractive. Yeah. I know. But I'm not going to feed 

myself horse-shit. Not at this point in my life.



Did I ever show you her picture? Oh! She was like 5'7" or maybe 5'8". Slim. 

She had wonderful legs. Brown hair, blue eyes. What attracted me was the aura 

she had. It was like if she didn't belong there. Oh! No. I didn't mean that. 

It was more like if I could read some clues on her moves, or on her skin. She 

was talking and laughing but I sensed that she had this feeling of 

awkwardness. She wasn't completely at ease. There was this tension...Well, 

I've learned the hard way, you know.



I approached the group and after the introductions was offered a place at 

their table. After some chatting I asked her for a dance and she refused. She 

said something about her being clumsy. Well, that was what I needed to make 

my night. I displayed all of my charm and politeness to convince her that she 

should dance with me. I told her that that was the first lesson of her wind 

surfing training. A few drinks later, after some bargaining and a few 

intelligent compliments displayed along our conversation, she agreed. The 

minute I hold her close to me something clicked for the two of us. I knew that 

she felt the same. Isn't that amazing? I can't explain how but I just knew.



There we were. The dance floor was packed with people and yet we were alone. 

At first we talked a little but when the slow pieces started we just 

concentrated on the dancing. I could feel her warm and flexible body held 

against mine. Her soft breasts heaving tight against my chest, following the 

waves of a mystic song. I still remember her fragrance. Fresh and crisp like 

spring water and blooming orange trees. I could feel the delicate texture of 

her skin in my hands and forearms. I found myself surrendering to desire. I 

could sense it growing from the depths of my soul, sweet, soft and familiar, 

invading my chest and limbs and filling my sex, slowly but steadily. Somehow 

I guessed that she was feeling the same because she didn't back off. By then 

I had this bulging tightness in my crotch and she was rubbing it gently and 

yet firmly with her pubis, with every step we made.



Time and space disappeared under this spell, helped by the dimness of the 

disco. I don't know how much time we 

spent there but I recall her moving her head to make our cheeks meet. The feel 

of her face was so smooth and delightful that I felt compelled to kiss her. 

With my first kiss she shuddered. I said something to apologize but she didn't 

let me finish. "It's allright" She said and pressed herself closer to me. And 

that was all that I needed to know. I gave her slow and tender kisses on her 

cheeks, brow, eyelids, chin, and nose, before reaching for her lips. These 

were full and sweet as cherries. I kissed them and sent the tip of my tongue 

to explore, gently probing every corner of her lips. I slid my tongue inside 

to taste her beautiful mouth. She joined my kiss with her naughty tongue, 

touching mine lightly. With every brush I could see stars exploding in my 

brain and in my groin. Then she sucked my tongue in full, making swirling, 

and delightful movements. Now my tongue backed off and hers trailed across my 

lips and I admitted it in my mouth, touching it again with mine. At this point 

my legs were stiff but hardly as my penis. All that was important on Earth 

that night was to possess her, to make her mine, to melt myself inside of her.



I went for her left earlobe, kissing and nibbling it while our breath was 

getting heavier and heavier. I realized that we weren't dancing anymore. She 

was rubbing her sex against mine with delicate, small, circular movements of 

her hips and she was whispering incoherent words that took me a while to 

undestand. She wanted me. Just as much as I wanted her. She told me to go to 

her room.



We left the disco and climbed the steps up to her place. I recall that vividly. 

She held my hand and was guiding me. At a point in time, when we reached the 

terrace, I stopped her and we kissed passionately. My hands exploring her 

shoulders, back and buttocks, while she trembled with desire and licked my 

tongue frantically, presssing her body against mine. The sky was dark blue and

 some stars were shining 

timidly, afraid perhaps of giving a more intense light and reveal our lust to 

the world. It was something coming from the roots of our souls. We wanted each 

other. We had to have each other's body or die. It was a scream coming beyond 

reason and reality. And it was saying: now!



You know me. You know what I've always thought of single's bars and one night 

stands, and yet I was there with this stranger. No. No. I don't think it was 

the alcohol. It was more than that. That night we 

had to make love together. I felt the call on my bones and I think she felt 

it too. She was the first and only woman on Earth for 

me. I was there for her. I would have given up anything in my life in order to 

get her. She had haunted me, and I wasn't about to fight the feeeling.



Oh! Sorry. Sure, sure...Do you want me to order another Scotch for you?



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