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Archive-name: Dreams/chris.txt


Archive-title: Chris...

Dear Chris,

    I know I should not be writing this letter to you, but it is the only

way I can get my message across to you. I have been going through this

for the last six years trying to decide to write this letter or not,

but i cannot stop myself now, so here it goes. You know somewhat what

type of person I am, but I really have two personalities, one for home

and the other for work. You pretty well have to do this to keep sane

working at Overland, you know this.

    For the last six years, ever since the first day I worked at Overland,

I have had stronger and stronger feelings for you and what type of

person you are. You are a very special freind to me, and have made a large

influence to me and my life in the time I have known you. You probably

know that I am not too good at relationships with woman, you can tell

this from my last little stint with a Girl named "Tracey". You are really

the only woman I have had as a man- woman realtionship with in the last

few years. I guess my problems really started when I met this girl named

Dawn, you remember her of course. When I was somewhat seeing her, I could

not help myself from falling in love with her, and I mean deeply in love,

more then she will ever know. I have a tendency to do that with most woman

I meet and go out with, it is just one of those problems I must deal with.

    What I am trying to say is that I am not falling in love with you, you

have no worries there. You have a good marraige and two great kids, I

would never want to get in the way of that.  What I am saying is that is

I need a Woman to understand what I am going through, and that is I know

deep down inside I will never have a successful relationship with a woman.

Don't get me wrong I love woman very much, I'm no fag if that's what

you think, in my opionion they can all go fuck themselves. I dont mind

people being different races, different colors, or different religions,

but when a person is not straight, count me out on liking that person,

just my feelings. I know now that I will never Marry and I will never

have children, both of which I most desperatly want, because I know it

would make my life all that more meaningful. What I am not saying is that

I don't find you a turnoff though, I find you incredily attractive and

Boy Oh Boy, if I or you were ten years older or younger, I wouldn't wait

a second to make my move on you. You know I am not a pervert or anything,

because if I was I would of tried something on you years ago. I hope I am

not scaring you by writing this to you, I would not do anything to harm

you or anybody, you know that. But everyday when I see you I can help

myself but wonder what It would be like to be with you, yes sexually,

but more importantly, emotionally.

    Yes, sex is one of the most important things in a relationship to me

and to most persons, but if you cant link with someone emotionally in a

relation- ship, its not worth it. God I hate writing this, it is so hard

even to write it down, it would be impossible to say it to you. It kills

me everyday to see you and wonder what it would be like to be with you.

I know everybody has fantasies about most people that they are around,

its normal. You probably hate to admit it and probably never would, but

admit that you have had a fantasy about me.  Maybe not I dont know, but

most people do have them. I am not asking you for anything, because it

would ruin our relationship that we have now and would complicate things

further more. I just wanted to tell you my feelings about you, before

I told you upfront and scared you, which is the last thing I want to do.

    I just wonder sometime what It would be like to make mad passionate

love with you, to make you're every dream come true, and to fulfill

you like no other man ever has. It is something I think about when I am

at work, why do you think I spend a lot of time around you. And why do

you think I like bugging you all the time, because I cannot get enough

of your attention. You probably notice that I don't ever hardly look

at you much, because when I do. all I think of is you and I together.

You know how tough it is when you give me a neck massage, I swear,

and I'm not lying. Every time you do that, I walk away with a Hard On,

No Kidding. That is what you do to me, you drive me nuts sometimes,

I just wonder what it would be like to sneek away somewhere at work

and make love to you, but I know you're not into quickies. But just to

be with you would probably kill me, it has been very long since I made

love to a woman, if you can beleive it, it has been over 5 years now,

god its been over three years since I even kissed a woman.

    I hope you understand my feelings toward you now, I am very glad I

have told you this, and maybe I can get on with my life in the way of

having a meaningful relationship. I'm sorry if I have hurt you in anyway

by writing this to you, but it had to be said.

         From your dearest friend.



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